State Fair

It got off to an auspicious start -- I was too late on the draw at the ATM and the machine sucked my card back in, thus (I found out later) destroying it, then our GPS device died the second we got on the highway. Thankfully, we were able to put our collective memories together and successfully find our way to that most essential of midwestern summer events -- the State Fair.

We entered at the west entrance of the grounds, which turned out to be a good thing, as that's where the livestock barns were, so we were able to get "seeing the animals" out of the way right off the bat. First stop was the Miracle of Birth Center, which featured pregnant farm animals of every shape and size. If you hit it just right, you get to see the miracle of birth. If you don't hit it just right, they have the miracle of a continuous video loop, showing you what you missed.

We didn't hit it just right, but the crowd notwithstanding, the girls seemed to like it:

While they also liked the other livestock barns, the Swine Building was far and away the biggest hit:

We spent the rest of the morning navigating the sea of humanity, with both girls staying completely in character and not wanting to do anything that was too loud, too shiny, or had too many other people nearby -- which included every ride on the Kidway. Even the Butterfly Garden, a seemingly safe bet for both of them, got Ellie freaked out.

Eventually, we found our way to the KidFarm, which replicates the farm experience -- tend to the livestock, gather the crops, take them to market, get paid, spend the money in the store:

That being a big hit with both of them, we had resigned ourselves to calling it a day when, from out of nowhere, Ellie broke from the script. We were sitting on the curb, outside one of the food buildings near the base of the gondola ride, and she says, "I wanna do that." So up Kim and Ellie go:

And first thing Ellie says when she gets off is, "I wanna go on the big slide." So . . .

Then of course, she wants to do it again. But by that time, we'd spent just about every cent we brought with us, primarily on food -- which was the only thing they wanted to do up until then. Lesson learned for next year.

And even though food was consumed throughout the morning (including the hands-down best french fries I've ever had), I've saved it for last because it's here that the fair experience truly offers something different. The Tilt-A-Whirl's the Tilt-A-Whirl, god bless it, but you can always count on the food vendors to go above and beyond to create something the make the fair experience memorable. (Note that I didn't say "pleasant" or "nutritious" or "non-vomit inducing." Just "memorable.")

In reality, we didn't stray too much from the old standbys -- popcorn, lemonade, Pronto Pups (simply a corn dog), etc. -- although Kim went for it and had a deep-fried Snickers Bar on a sick.

Here's a short list of things we could've eaten but didn't -- I'll leave it to you to guess why:

• Deep-fried cheese curds
• Elk burgers
• Pickle Dog (quarter dill pickle, coated with cream cheese and wrapped in pastrami)
• Walleye on a stick
• Pork chop on a stick
• Cajun seasoned alligator sausage on a stick
• Scotch egg (hard-boiled egg wrapped in breakfast sausage) on a stick
• Spaghetti and meatballs on a stick
• Corned beef and cabbage on a stick
• Teriyaki ostrich on a stick